Victory in the Vale

Slim Pickings, But Still Found Me Some Twins

Moonstare was ransacked and the people slaughtered, so there weren't many women left to choose from but Hio managed anyway

by Hio

Yeah, the battle at Moonstare left it in pretty sad shape. And I don’t just mean the buildings or the ransacked goods or whatever. But I’m pretty sure that those trolls had to have targeted all the pretty girls first. I had no problem finding some willing women who wanted to express their gratitude for my service (I mean saving their town, not providing them with some needed sexual healing), but most of them were either old or fat or so ugly that you’d think they were half-orcs. But after battle, there’s really nothing quite like a good boning so I settled on some average-looking twins to warm my bed that night. And Kord bless them, at least they were eager. Amen.

So that picture I drew was after we left Moonstare—pretty cool right? I’ve been working on this mindpower where I move where gravity pulls from so I can walk on walls and ceilings and shit. I’ve mostly been working on it just to mess with V, and oh was his reaction exactly what I’d hoped for. Bwa ha ha ha, kills me just thinking about it.

We did find Skalmad II eventually. We’d been hacking our way through the cave (as usual, I was killing the most things and protecting everyone to make sure they wouldn’t die instant horrible deaths) and even fought some troll skellies that Elyas made very short order of. Maybe I should look into this whole Raven Queen thing? Eh, maybe not. Kord is actually a badass, being about battle instead of death or whatever. Plus, the Raven Queen is a girl so she’d obviously lose in a fight with Kord. I’ll keep my bets with the god who has the extremely long history of violence.

Nebin deathed Skalmad II. Not much more to say about that, I guess.

Skallmad II had a huge freakin-awesome throne, which I HAD to sit in because how often do you get a chance like that? And how often do you get the chance to sit in a troll-sized throne and rock back and forth while singing “Henry the 8th?” Um, never, that’s how often. Except for this time, I guess. So yeah. That happened. That so happened.

But before I knew it, POOF and I was in a cube room where the walls were made of water. I tried to stab my way out of the room, but my sword just bent back at my face. I was trippin balls, man. And then I got bored. It had to have been that several MINUTES passed, and I was still just in this room alone. So, I did what any reasonable man would do when he’s alone in a room after killing a bunch of shit. I took my pants off.

Of course, right then I got POOFED back to the giant throne, at the height of my glory. Fitting.

Valthrun must have approved of my behavior though because all of a sudden Danna was there on top of me and we were going at it like it ain’t no thing. I think she must like men in positions of power, in this case a giant troll throne.

So, all-in-all not a terrible day. Tomorrow we’re going to the Feywild because even though we killed Skallmad his evil eye just like disappeared and plus we didn’t find some sword that I don’t remember why we were supposed to get in the first place but it’s important for this guy who died or something. Long as I gets to kill more stuff I’ll be happy.

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