Victory in the Vale

Some Badassery from People Who Are Not Normally a Badass

It's weird because they're not normally so cool.

by Hio

I know that I’m usually the one who is the best at everything (Glory to Kord!) but lately people in my group have been almost as awesome as I am. Which, it’s cool, I’m not insecure or anything (with a face like this, why would I be?) and it’s not like they don’t need me anymore. They would totally all die horrible deaths if I weren’t there. Especially Valthrun. And maybe Nebin. And probably Elyas too. Lyssa would do O.K.

So anyway, we left after what’s-his-face Dragonborn told us how to get to Skalmad’s lair. He couldn’t have given us very good advice because we still had to do some bullshit like climbing trees and hacking our own path through the woods just to find our way there. You’d have thought that our “smart” wizard guy, V, would have known better how to get there.

On the way and once we were there, we killed the usual trolls and troglodites blah blah blah. Oh, and a dragon too. Then I had sex with Danna. Then we killed Skalmad.

Except I guess not. I think he must be related to Karavakos because when he died he didn’t actually die. I wonder if there are 3 other Skalmads out there. But Skalmad the First said that his troops were marching on Moonstare at that very moment so it was like “Shit guys!” and we had to walk ALL THE WAY BACK there. I mean, yeah we had Elyas’s bear pull us and we mostly just slept the whole time but it was SO BORING.

Here is when things got weird. We got to Moonstare to find it burning up and filled with wargs. The rest of us started fighting them, I saved Valthrun’s ass a few times (and he actually thanked me!), but Lyssa disappeared. When we were finished, I went to go find her just in time to see her punch a warg in the throat and watch it burst open into an explosion of blood. Lyssa just wiped off her face and explained that she saved the Village People from the burning building and then just killed these two wargs on her own, no big deal. Holy shit. She MUST be related to me.

Then later, when we were fighting some wyverns and a manticore, Nebin was duking it out in the air with these guys. First he jumped from wyvern to wyvern and then onto the manticore! The troglodite rider on the manticore was like “Oh shit” and then Nebin jumped into the dude’s shadow and totally slaughtered him. Then he totally ruined one of the other wyverns while still on the manticore, enough to scare the manticore into submission. Now that’s the way to do it. Nebin, he’s the man.

People who failed at awesome while we saved the village? Sir Sad Sack Dragonborn who dropped his weapon fighting a freakin FISH during the shore battle. And he cried. A lot. And also this Ogre that Brugg would have been ashamed to be related to. I think I did that guy a favor by slitting his throat—I know I would have asked to die if I sucked that much. I wonder how Valthrun lives with himself. Though he seems to be sucking less lately, probably because he’s been travelling with me for so long.

So anyway, I’m off to go find any survivors who may be “appreciative” that I saved their city. Think it’s off to kill Skalmad II tomorrow.

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