Off we go adventuring along the troll-filled greens! Off we go a wandering, so fair to be seen (at least as far as the fact that I’m near god-like in how I look because the rest of the party isn’t really all that pretty especially because they’re dudes and most dudes can’t be pretty and Lyssa is my sister so that is just weird like halfling sex).
We were on our way to Moonstare because some guy was dead and that usual story. Lots of trolls in this area, which kind of sucked cause I just got rid of my Irontooth flaming ax and guess who hates fire: trolls. I bet you couldn’t guess that. Luckily, as soon as we got into town, I arrived to a shiny flaming bastard sword from the family. Most of those guys back home are idiots who get into politics or some other boring crap. It’s part of why I joined the royal guard—why’d you ever want to talk to people when you can punch ‘em instead? Can’t say I’m a huge fan of going home to visit. But, being a noble has its perks sometimes, like in getting new stuff for no reason and for picking up broads. Then it’s pretty cool.
Anyway, we got into town to meet with the Mayor. She was pretty hott, but so were the chicks we’d just seen not an hour before who turned out to be Boghags. So, naturally, I wanted to make sure that she, the Mayor, was “all natural,” and “not boghag-y.” I did make sure of this, by going for the only thing that really makes a woman worth talking to: her breasts. And I can say with complete certainty that she was really really real, and really really a woman. Giggity.
Then she called the guards on me, even though I told her that she had nice boobs (I mean, how can you possibly be mad after hearing that?!). Lyssa and V got pissed and sent me away but oh well cause I found a chick at the bar and yeah, I totally boned her. We’re off again this morning to kill some more trolls after advice from some creepy Dragonborn who apparently sucked at life and is now friends with our cleric. Time for more stabbity stabs woot.